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FIRST, FROM MY
HEART
If you are, for the first time, considering this arena of homeschooling
with many questions and doubts, you are very likely feeling overwhelmed and
frustrated at the many choices before you. Or if you have already been
homeschooling for some time and are now burning out and/or frustrated with the
results thus far, you are probably feeling overwhelmed too, mixed with a lot of
regret and frustration.
I want this
experience of homeschooling to be the best that it can possibly be for your
family. For this to happen, you will need to come with an open mind and heart,
no matter where you're at right now, willing to have your view of education
changed and broadened. Homeschooling at its best and most effective is
not what people commonly think it is. But more on that in just a
moment.
Many of those who
contact me are at a "crossroad" with their child, with this option of
homeschooling possibly even being their "last hope." Or they have been
homeschooling a long time and are not happy with what they are doing.
Because of how much is at stake, and because you will not hear what I have to
say from any other source, I'm going to speak more boldly and forthrightly than
I normally do. Some of what I say may be hard to hear. Since I can't cover the
many different situations in one clean sweep, only you will know what
"fits" and what doesn't. Keep what does; discard what doesn't.
EIGHT MOTIVATIONS FOR HOMESCHOOLING
There are almost always "compelling circumstances" that force people into
looking into (or staying with) homeschooling. Some people actually knew in their
hearts it was the right thing even before they had children! But they are
few! I'd like to say that was our case, but it wasn't! For
us, it was a decrease of finances that forced us to withdraw our then
two-year-old and four-year-old from the preschool they were attending! I
was appalled and thrown into a tizzy at the time, but I am so thankful now
for those cutbacks in my husband's pay! It totally changed the course of
out lives! -- For the better! MUCH better!
It is for this
reason that I ask you to please hear me out, even if you begin feeling
uncomfortable with what you read here. There may be things that will possibly be
even downright irritating or maddening! But please know that I speak with
much love and concern in my heart. This may be a turning point for you as
it was for us. Turning points seldom have comfortable or easy beginnings!
There seem to be
eight main situations, for better or worse, honorable or not, that motivate
people into looking into (or staying with) homeschooling, even if they were
closed to the idea at first...
# 1 - The first possibility, as previously mentioned is, wisdom and
conviction, which may come early on, or may develop later after study,
reading, and prayer. We now know that homeschooling is not merely a "loser's
option" -- not at all!! -- but is the absolute best choice we could have
possibly made, no matter what our resources had been!
# 2 - The second motivating factor, as was originally true for us, is a
lack of finances to provide private education. This has long since ceased
to be one of our reasons for homeschooling! If you offered us a full-ride
scholarship at the most prestigious private school, not only would I not accept
it, and not feel a bit of regret about it, you couldn't pay me enough to accept
that option!
# 3 - The third motivator is the child who is unable to keep up
academically. This is the one who is "falling through the
cracks" in the system . He may be a slacker, but more often than not he
may very well be putting forth effort to do his studies and "stay afloat" but it
seems like a hopeless uphill battle. He just isn't making it. A parent in this
situation will typically tell the child things like: "You need to toughen up if
you want to make it in the world!" or "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and
get in there and DO IT!" (This can be just as true for a homeschooler doing too
much "school at home"!)
# 4 - The next possibility is the child who is not doing well in the
school setting socially. This is the child who is typically the
target of ridicule or mocking from his peers, and treated with scorn, or
contempt. Or he may be shunned and ignored all together. Who knows which is
worse; absence of conflict may be a relief, but loneliness and alienation can be
just as painful in their own way. Typical parental advice in this case is: "Just
ignore them. You're there to get your education; don't let them bother you." But
your child is finding it impossible to ignore and very difficult to continue
growing or staying focused on learning in that possibly-even-hostile
environment. ... Or maybe you're to the point where you are
realizing your child is getting "eaten alive" in the process of trying to just
"stay alive"! It's just not working, mere "survival" is all that's coming
of his efforts, and it seems like it's just not worth the time and effort
anymore. In fact, that's exactly what may have led you to look into other
options.
# 5 - A fifth possibility for motivation to leave the school scene is the
gifted child for whom the curriculum is too slow, too boring, and/or
non-challenging. (Actually, you don't have to be gifted for this to be a
possibility.)
# 6 - A sixth possibility, and one that is growing more and more common,
is objectionable content in curriculum. This may be any of the following:
objection to the theory of evolution being taught as fact in a science class;
s-x* education being taught in unacceptable ways (I just received a call from a
mom last week whose 12-year-old daughter was being taught how to place a cond-m*
on a banana!) in a health class; homos-xual* marriages being condoned as being
an "acceptable alternative lifestyle" in a marriage and family living class;
pornographic books being required reading in a literature class. The list is
endless and growing by leaps and bounds.
# 7 - A seventh scenario is the child who has been labeled a "trouble
maker" and has even been expelled or suspended from school, or is very close
to it. He has "attitudes" towards teachers, school, schoolwork, and probably has
only a small group of friends about whom you have some serious reservations.
# 8 - I added
this eighth one more recently, in light of all the latest violence in the
schools. Some (more likely many) parents are going to pull (or keep)
their kids out of school to guard them from the possibility of being shot.
This is certainly understandable, but what I find interesting is that they did
not recognize the many other dangers they should have been just as concerned
about long before this! A bullet can kill a body, but the moral
environment of the schools is just as likely to kill a child's sense of
morality, the learning environment just as likely to kill a child's love of
learning, and the flirtatious, promiscuous s-xual environment just as likely to
kill a desire for purity. (This is not always the case in schools, but it
is more and more prevalent even in the "best" of schools.)
May I suggest that none of the above automatically mean that the student is a
misfit or stupid; nor the parents overprotective or failures. Homeschooling is
often seen as a "last ditch effort" or as "last chance education." But God's
view of it is quite different! He sees your situation, no matter what the
problem, as being "the FIRST chance I get to work!" As you allow God to
lead you into His light and truth, you are going to find out some things that
will be very surprising, relieving and exciting. There may also be some
discoveries that will be more difficult to encounter and deal with, but they
will be well-worth working through!
LONG-TERM BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS?
(I'm going to
make a quick digression here for those who may be in need of it...)
If you have been experiencing behavior problems with your child, having trouble
or conflicts with teachers or the school district, or the child has been
expelled from school, chances are you have been experiencing some frustrations
within your home as well for some time. And I don't mean just
academic problems. We are led to believe that bad attitudes, inattentiveness and
rebellion are to be expected in the teen years. This is a lie the enemy
concocted and loves to perpetrate. However, contrary to popular belief, it is
simply not true. These problems are not "givens"; they got there -- or were
allowed to get there -- for a reason. "Do not be fooled; we
reap what we sow." This does not mean parents are responsible for
everything a child does! (Split families with "problem ex's" and problems
with step-parents and step-children are common.) But it does mean that even if
we have dealt with our children in ways that have resulted in dissatisfactory
behavior or attitudes -- even unknowingly, even doing our best -- we are still
going to have problems.
If you truly want
things to be turned around, you will need to realize that you, the parents,
must be the initiators in this process. You will need to be willing to face some
things in your family and your own hearts, views, opinions, ways of dealing with
things, manners of responding, and attitudes that you have very likely not ever
seen before; at least you have not seen how they all work together in the
"bigger picture."
OFF WITH THE OLD!
No matter what your
situation, it is imperative that you be willing to shed old ways of
thinking. Until you do, God will not be free to breathe His new life into your
situation. You cannot insist that the traditional school methods and curriculum
be brought home and still discover God's way out of this situation.
Homeschooling will
be a complete waste of your time and resources, totally fruitless, ineffective,
and pointless if you do not approach it with this open-hearted attitude.
I assure you, though, that not only is it well-worth the effort, it is the
only way out of your frustrations. I know families who have made drastic and
wonderful changes that resulted in transformed children and parents, but
they had to start with this heart.
At some point soon
after finishing this article I want to encourage you to read "The
Biblical S.A.T.'s of Learning" by Marilyn Howshall. This will
greatly aid you in starting to re-form your ideas about education and will
actually help free you to start thinking that something other than what you have
been thinking is "OK" to think! You'll know what I mean more as you read
it.
WHAT TRUE (HOME) EDUCATION IS NOT
I'm sure that by now some of you are saying "For Heaven's sake! Let's get ON
with it here! I just want to know where to get my curriculum!"
Please hear me: Homeschooling is not just about finding the "right"
curriculum. It is not about going out and purchasing a $400 pile of
curriculum (and that's probably on the cheap side!), or sitting your child down
to a stack of workbooks and saying "Okay, now do school!" In short, and
this is probably one of the hardest things for people to understand (so please
stay with me here!) and accept, but homeschooling, at its best, is not
"school at home..."
It is not
about expecting your child to "get serious about their education" as is so
commonly stated by parents, as if the responsibility rests solely on the child's
shoulders. Yes, they need to be responsive and responsible, but you must
recognize that they have been part of a system (public or private!) that has
been placing requirements on them that are in and of themselves UNdoing
the very things you are wanting to develop in your child -- like a love of
learning and self-motivation! The traditional school system -- just the
system itself, the way it all works -- drains our children of their best energy
and prevents them from discovering their purpose in life, if nothing else,
because it completely uses up their time! Insisting on adherence to this system
will only produce further exasperation in your child. Worse yet, it will only
cover up the real problems, leaving them to fester. If left unrecognized
and if not dealt with, your only end result will be heartache and frustration.
Curriculum alone will not produce the results you are so much hoping to
obtain. In fact, improper or over-use of curriculum will actually be
counter-productive to your own goals! (I can't over-emphasize this!)
True education is
about growing and developing the whole child: his mind, yes, but also and
primarily his heart, soul, and character -- these are his real, most
fundamental educational needs. If left unattended, or way down at the bottom of
the list, all other efforts are in vain.
"But what about
curriculum?!" you ask again. Yes, we use curriculum, and I have some great forms
and a framework I use, different ones at different ages. However what we do is
not what or how much new homeschoolers might think we use. But it has worked for
us! We graduated our oldest daughter in 1996, and our son in 1998! And they are
two of the neatest people I know! (I'm not a bit prejudiced either!
But actually, we have received many wonderful comments on all three of
our kids, so I'm not just imagining this!)
(Lest you think you
are "high 'n' dry" and on your own to figure out what to do without a textbook
program to depend on, I share what we did for high school, along with all the
record keeping forms, answers to all the high school related questions I
receive, and much more in my book Senior High: A Home-Designed Form+U+la.
... What we did when they were younger, between 4ish and 12ish, is contained in
"The Homeschool Jumpstart Navigator" for ages 4--12. And there are also a few
other books that help with the bigger picture.)
But the "best"
curriculum in the world is not going to do anything -- I repeat, ANYthing
-- to truly "educate" the whole person. The world already has an over-abundance
of people who are very well "schooled," with high degrees and honors, but a
dearth of those who are truly educated. Or maybe a better way to put it
is that "many are educated on the outside, but few on the inside." The
academic portion of their brains is full of knowledge, but neither their minds
nor their spirits are renewed. And which is the only part that counts with God?
Which would you want in leadership over you or as a co-worker? Which do
you want teaching and influencing your children for the bulk of their childhood
years?
TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST
I feel that in integrity and good conscience I can no longer contribute to the
growing number of "educated fools" in this world. Nor am I going to help anyone
else do it. It would make me an "enabler," and down the
road you would have reason to resent me, as you would have burned out early on,
or been unhappy with the fruit! Many have come back to me -- called,
written letters -- and thanked me, with great relief for not helping them
start onto the traditional path. It will not get you the results you
think it will!
A nutshell version of the
hundreds of comments I have received from homeschool moms is: "I can't thank you
enough for getting me started on a different (from the traditional, binding,
burning-out norm) path of homeschooling!" . . . "I have avoided so many
pitfalls that my homeschooling friends are now stuck in and are having a hard
time getting out of!" . . . "What a joy and relief to have started out on the
peaceful, tailor-made path God has for my family!" ... I don't care
if you ever come back and thank me, I just want a clear conscience, and to be
able to sleep at night! The people I'll be able to
help are those who are open-minded and willing to approach homeschooling as
God would have them do it. If this is your heart, I can help you get
onto a path of finding out what that means for you and your family. God
doesn't have a one-size-fits-all plan for all families! His ways are not
easy, but they are more rewarding and joyous than we can possibly imagine!!!
This could be one of the most exciting adventures you have ever
undertaken!
CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE
I definitely and non-apologetically come from a Christian perspective. This is
because I believe that education, outside of the context of seeking God for our
purpose here on earth and linked with a personal relationship with Him, is
pointless, and even potentially dangerous. I know that's a radical statement,
but God is the One who created each of us individually and put us here on earth
for a unique purpose. Outside of a walk with Him, that purpose will never
be realized -- at least not fully, nor in the manner He intended.
Yes, many good and valuable things have been contributed to mankind by
non-Christians, but without God at the heart of study, many of these "good
things" have taken a direction God never intended, or been used for purposes
that are entirely anti-God in their very nature. But that's another whole
article. The bottom line is that God is God, and anything other than what will
lead us toward Him and His purposes for us being here on earth is ultimately and
potentially vain and/or destructive.
Martin Luther, in the seventeenth century said:
"I am much afraid that the
schools will prove the very gates of hell, unless they diligently labor in
explaining the Holy Scriptures engraving them in the youth. I advise no one to
place his child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution
in which men are not unceasingly occupied with the Word of God must be corrupt."
Yes, I know I am reaping the benefits of modern research and medicine, so I
speak carefully and meekly. But for one thing, more modern advances have come
through Christians than we realize. Most of the scientists you are familiar with
up until later this century were devout Christians! Allow me to share just a few
examples...
- George Washington Carver, when asked what was the secret of his success, said:
"It is simple. It is found in the Bible. 'In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and
He shall direct thy paths."
- Louis Pasteur, in one of his lectures, stated: "Science brings man closer
to God." And in describing anaerobic bacteria (bacteria that are able
to grow without oxygen - like in my laundry bins?), he
commented: "The more I study nature, the more I stand amazed at the work of
the Creator. Into His tiniest creatures, God has placed extraordinary properties
that turn them into agents of destruction of dead matter."
- Sir Isaac Newton said: "God in the beginning formed matter in solid, massy,
hard, impenetrable, movable particles, of such sizes and figures, and with such
other properties, and in such proportion to space, as most conduced to the end
(purpose) for which He formed them."
- Galileo Galilei said: "I am inclined to think that the authority of Holy
Scripture is intended to convince men of those truths which are necessary for
their salvation, which, being far above man's understanding, can not be made
credible by any learning, or any other means than revelation by the Holy
Spirit."
- One of my favorites is a statement made by Sir William Herschel, a renowned
English astronomer: "The undevout astronomer must be mad."
- And Charles Darwin said: "To suppose the eye with all its inimitable
contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting
different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic
aberration, could have been formed by natural selections, seems, I freely
confess, absurd in the highest degree."
Do you think any of the above is exposed in public school texts? Hardly!
All overtly Christian content was removed from textbooks at the turn of this
century! In many ways I would rather have a humble, less sophisticated
form of knowledge be predominant in society, yes even with all the comforts
modern science avails to our way of life, than have a society that, in utter
arrogance, throws off all regard for God in its scientific pursuits.
We are not merely "evolved
creatures" eking out an existence, hoping to be one of the "fortunate" who will
be among the fittest and survive, our only end being death. No! We are
here for a very definite purpose, and only God, the Creator of each
individual life, knows what that is and has the power and wisdom to bring it
about!
As we begin to walk
in wisdom about education, get to know our child(ren), and allow God to show us
how to prepare them for whatever His intentions are for their lives now and for
their futures, we will enjoy walking in that purpose. (This is a primary focus
of Marilyn Howshall's
Lifestyle of Learning
ministry. That link will take you to the Main Page of my introduction of this
ministry, and some other articles by Marilyn, a review of Wisdom's Way of
Learning, and some other links.)
TO DADS ONLY
Dad, it is vital that you to be "on board" in this endeavor, willing to educate
yourself right along with your wife. Please do not make the mistake, as I have
seen many foolish (or, at best, naive and uninformed) fathers do, of just
dumping all this on your wife. This is not a one-parent job -- IF there
are two parents in the home. And if you are single, God will be your
"Surrogate Spouse"! ;-)
If both parents are
not "on the same page" in understanding, and in unity on how to approach the
education of their children, there will be disharmony, confusion, strife, and
unrest in the home. Your wife will be over-burdened and perpetually frustrated
with trying to pursue what she believes God is trying to lead her into while her
husband tries to pull her in a different direction, supposedly trying to "help"
but in reality only weighing her down, and impeding what the Lord is wanting to
do in your family.
Let me ask you
this... If you were to tell your wife that you think she should start
feeding the kids Trix for breakfast, fast food for lunch, and TV dinners for
dinner, every meal, every day, would you expect her to just "submit"? I
hope not. Anyone with even just a basic knowledge of nutrition knows
that this will not produce healthy children. Guess what... the
exact same thing is true for education.
Homeschooling is at
least as much about redeeming unsatisfactory family situations, including
unruly or sassy children, fighting siblings, disrespectful and broken
relationships between parents and children. It is as much about parents
becoming learners who are wise to the learning process as it is about the
children getting an education. I have learned so much in our experience
of homeschooling for the last fifteen years! But I'm not even talking
about just academic "knowledge" here -- I'm talking about parenting, and
growing as persons and family members.
Dad, I hope you will
be open to learning some things that will bring more fruit in your children than
your current ideas of education could ever bring forth! As the provider of
your home you probably don't have time for as in-depth a season of learning as
your wife does. But what has worked well for many couples is for the husband to
listen to tapes the wife listens to, and for the wife to highlight things she
reads that she feels would be good for her husband to hear. Then they can
discuss the ideas and come to agreement about what will be best for their
family. The most vital point is for Dad (Mom too!) to take on the heart
of a learner.
"REDEEMING" YOUR FAMILY
The experience of homeschooling can be a chance to "redeem" your family. This
may sound at first like a very stuffy or merely "religious" term, something you
may want nothing to do with, or just don't realize the potential of! I
assure you, it is one of the best, most exciting words in the entire world!
In fact, it's the very theme of my life!
The word "redeem"
means "to make good." More specifically, it means "to take something of
little or no value and replace it with something of great value." In my case,
God has redeemed many areas of my life, including my mind, my sense of humor, my
attitude toward writing, my sense of inferiority, my inability to stay focused
when reading (which was awful in school!), and my marriage, just to name
a few. I wouldn't be happily married right now if it were not for the amazing
things God has done in both me and my husband! We were even separated for six
months a few years ago!
I can't even begin
to express to you how grateful I am that God has redeemed our terrible,
messy situation, and also changed us in the process, which is really
where it had to begin! But I had to start by giving him the
undesirable, needy, broken thing, in this case my marriage, that needed to be
transformed. That was the hard part! In many cases I didn't even know that I --
or the situation -- needed redeeming! In other cases, I knew it, but thought it
was impossible. But "with God, all things are possible"!!!
God wants to touch
some areas in your home that will be life-affecting for not only your
family now, but also for your children's entire lives. So even if your child has
been expelled from school, is being shunned or mistreated by peers, or is not
being understood or given the (positive) attention he needs, God can work in
this situation for good! But, as with me, God will be free to
begin, or continue, the process in your life only IF you will seek Him on
how He wants to proceed, and then allow Him to lead you. His plan is a good one!
WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS REBELLIOUS?
If your child is in a state of rebellion and you are at your wit's end as to
what to do, I recommend two books. One, Changing the Heart of a Rebel, is
a small book, but to the point. It will help you see some things and then change
your heart first, your child's heart second, IF you are serious about it and are
truly willing to follow the advice given therein.
I need to be up
front with you and say that if you are not willing to turn your heart and
situation over to God -- which you can do the moment you want to -- this
book will be futile. I have no other suggestions outside the Christian realm, as
a child in rebellion does not need "behavior modification" -- he or she needs
heart transformation! Which only God can do! And I cannot stress
enough that this must start with the parent. A child who is rebellious
did not get that way on their own. We as parents must be big enough to admit
that we had something to do with it. It is a process God will lead us in.
Our own children
have not been rebellious, but we have had to deal with a few problems,
and I have had to repent to them in some cases! I had to take
responsibility for my own wrong ways of dealing with things, my inconsistencies,
my wrong thinking, and my ungodly reactions. Like I said, God has redeemed
much in my life and in my family! But it wasn't because I
passively waited around for them to see the light or learn the hard way!
It had to start with me!!!
Even though you have most likely done your best, any lack of wisdom in dealing
with the hearts of our children will still produce the exact fruit that was
sown, good intentions or not. We have a God who is a very wise, gentle and
capable Redeemer, but He does not barge in uninvited. He is free to work only if
He is given full management of a situation, no matter what stage it is at, which
means the hearts of the parents must be fully yielded to seeking and doing it
"His way" before anything can start happening.
The other book I
recommend, Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, gives much more
practical how-to and encouragement, and is applicable to all parents,
whether the children are rebellious or not. (Neither are widely available, but
both can be obtained through us. See
this section of our online catalog.)
WHERE I COME INTO THE PICTURE
First, as you may have guessed, one thing I do not offer homeschoolers is
directions for where to go to get their pile of text or workbooks. There is
much I have to share with you: advice, encouragement, practical forms for
use with your children that will help you get organized and give you direction,
and more.
So what I will
offer you is suggestions for starting onto a path that is much less expensive
and that will help you get the results that you desire -- a much lighter and
well-fitting "load" than a pile of curriculum! the starting point for this
for those online is what I suggest for a...
SEASON OF RE-EDUCATION AND RENEWING OF THE MIND
This is vital and non-optional as far as I'm concerned! But this is just
the beginning! I do have resources to help you get your child going on a "lite
and do-able"
jumpstart plan, something academic and organized, yet simple, and
that won't be expensive or overwhelming. But the main point behind this is
that you, the parent, enter a season of re-educating yourself in what
true education is -- and isn't. This season is vital and
non-optional if you want to truly educate your child and not merely make
him capable of spouting a bunch of facts, which usually stick for maybe a week
or two after the test!
There are several
wonderful resources I recommend for this season, a few produced by me, but most
by other authors I greatly admire. (These resources are listed in the "Season
of Re-education and Renewing of the Mind" area here at my website.)
At the heart of this season is Wisdom's Way of Learning, a book by
Marilyn Howshall. You won't be the same after reading it! It will
impact you, your family, and your entire view of education to the very core of
your being -- whether you have homeschooled for 15 years or are just starting
out! At the heart of this book as well as all of mine is a focus on
deepening your relationship with God, which is not just a nice "sideline" but is
the very hub, core, heart, and soul of your and your children's educational
experience!
* Just want to let
you know that I personally have no problem using the full words that have
bleeped-out (hyphenated) letters in them. But if I wrote the whole word,
for instance: replacing the hyphen in s-x with the e that belongs there,
certain Christian search engines would ban my entire website from being
accessible to anyone whose engine or server had such "morality controls" or
"improper word screens"! The reason is that they scan for such "bad"
words, assuming that any site containing such words is "adult viewing." With
millions of websites out there, they don't have the time or technology to
actually read every article at every site and see whether or not the usage of
such words is appropriate, so the search engine would automatically disallow
any viewing of my website in an effort to keep your web viewing child/family
friendly. |
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Texas
Home Educators
